wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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