I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
