Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
