My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Everyone says I win the strip club
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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