Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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