barbara walters just said penis...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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