Define "chronic" masturbator.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
