Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
