i don't plan on having that self control this summer
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize