I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
