I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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