My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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