I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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