Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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