There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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