I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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