Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
