I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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