Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize