Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
