If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
