Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
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I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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