people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
