Apparently you make a good broom.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
