you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
