I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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