No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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