ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Watching her eat just hurts me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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