omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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