There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
