saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
