I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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