Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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