I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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