Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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