Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
