That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
