well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
