Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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