I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
