i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
