very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
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I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
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Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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