I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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