She announced her abortion via fbk
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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