Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
