Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You ruined the universe
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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