You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
