is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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