And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
