Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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