I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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