I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
