So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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