My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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