i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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