Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
