I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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