My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
