A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize