when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
