i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
