You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
