you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
