when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
