if you like me you must not know who I am
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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