So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
