Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
