Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
