He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
