You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
