I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
