I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I party with great urgency now.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
