ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
try to milk me bitch
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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