I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
