i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
