Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
