yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
