She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
