when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
