Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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