ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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