a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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