I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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