So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
